Saturday, May 1, 2010
I’m sorry that I gave this movie a moments free publicity not to mention over a weeks worth. I’m sorry that for one moment I thought that Platinum Dunes could perhaps produce something decent, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary. I’m sorry I defended and doubted. I’m sorry that I entertained the hope this could be worth a shit. And most of all I’m sorry to you. If I for one second got you excited or hopeful or interested in seeing a new Nightmare On Elm Street Movie. I’m sorry.
I fucked up.
This is one of those frustrating movies where all the elements are brought together for something that could be decent and nothing comes of it. Jackie Earle Haley is obviously trying here, but he has no material to work with. Wesley Strick provider of said material, can obviously write a good horror film, or for that matter a remake of a horror film that manages to be unique and interesting while still fundamentally respectful to its source. But nothing ever comes from this anemic movie. Its stuck on second gear.
I could treat this like a normal review; go into the problems and shine a light on the (very) few bright spots. The flaccid script, utterly unlikeable cast (how Nancy despite the fact that she has a delightful Sarah Vowell gurgle of a voice and is in all honesty just my type derived no sympathy for me) the utterly mind boggling leaps in logic that the story makes (some would accuse me of over analyzing but really is that the point where we’re at? Where we just genuinely don’t give a fuck about logic and craft?) but that would be raging at the cure and not the disease. Which is precisely what this movie is. It’s a fucking disease.
Look say what you will about Rob Zombie’s Halloween, but at least there’s some kind of vision there. It might be a vision you detest, but there’s an idea there. Like The Depressing Friday The 13th remake the vision all too self evident. “Lets stick this fucker on autopilot, remove all the charm, and hope these dumb fucks give us their money.”
I can’t even get rightly mad at Michael Bay and his stupid fucking Morlocks at Platinum Dunes. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times and you fully deserve to think I’ll get fooled again.
But I won’t. I’m done. I’m out. I’m never giving my money to these fuckers again. And whats more, unless there’s some excellent evidence that there’s a reason to, I’m never watching a remake again. We can bitch and we can moan but the fact is, that as long as we put up the money and give them the attention. The studios have no reason to stop shoving these down our throats.
So stop doing it. Stop going. Just stop.
What a waste. What a waste of time, and talent and fans passion. What a depressing useless waste. This movie is utterly bankrupt.