Hatchet II

I’ve said some pretty harsh things about Hatchet in my time (and in an upcoming On The Stick I will be saying very harsh things about it in the future). The problem for me was for a film which sold itself as a recreation of “Old School American Horror” there was very little in Hatchet that felt old school, particularly American flavored, or for that matter Horrific. Hatchet didn’t feel like a slasher movie, it felt like your friend describing a slasher movie to you after he snuck a viewing on HBO one night, ate six bowls of Frosted Flakes, and then told you all about the film in one breathless monologue.

This in itself might sound strangely appealing, but remarkably Hatchet wasn’t very much fun either. It did everything save having Adam Green run in front of the camera shake it and scream “TITS ‘N BLOOD, ROBERT ENGLUND, TONY TODD, WHOOOOOO!!!!” to convince you that you were having a good time. But the good time did not materialize. Instead Hatchet was just vaguely exhausting, with unlikeable characters, a faintly misogynistic air, ugly camerawork, cheap sets, and blood and nudity delivered like a parent forcing their child to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes, after catching them sneaking a puff.

So let us give Hatchet II some credit. It at least manages to be quite a bit of fun. While it still might not have the feel of a true eighties slasher movie, it at least recaptures the all important rhythm of the sub genre. As a result the set pieces and bad behavior seems like a treat rather than an assault. Hatchet II is in every sense the movie that the first Hatchet should have been.

The film picks up right were the last one ended, with the perpetually pissed off undead, hillbilly, bog monster laying a hurting on our heroine. They’ve traded up from the bland original actress to the diminutive Daniel Harris, who makes a much more appealing heroine, despite sporting the world’s spottiest Southern Accent. Harris is spunky and aware enough as an actress to help diffuse the misogyny that the first film had. And to give credit where it is due, Green himself has dialed back this element a bit. While the T&A of the first film had an off putting frat boy entitlement to it, Green scales it back to a couple of gags here, and is self aware enough to give what looks suspiciously like a Mea Culpa.

Eventually Harris and a crew of monster hunters return to the island, led by the great Tony Todd. Todd is as underused an icon as the horror genre has, and it’s nice to see him take center stage here. When they arrive on the island things go kind of how you’d expect them to go when you land on an island that is home to a deformed, eight foot tall unstoppable killing machine. Once again I have to stress that Green does a much better job setting up and paying off the gags, than he did last time, actually building momentum and anticipation instead of just continuously throwing underwhelming pay off after pay off at you.

The film does have some flaws. The pacing is just a bit off with a long unnecessary retelling of Victor Crowley’s origin (in all fairness long unnecessary retellings of origin stories is part and parcel of the slasher subgenre) and a fairly saggy midsection filled with unfunny “comic relief.”

Also the whole “Movie THEY won’t let you see.” thing turns out to basically be a marketing ploy. I’m not saying that the film doesn’t make good use out of its Unrated designation. Particularly during a beat which steals the crown of “Best Sex Whilst Decapitated Gag” from Eli Roth and two suitably OTT moments at the end. Compared to most of the torture porn stuff that gets an R rating with no problem. The gore in Hatchet II has an enthusiasm to it that is almost innocent. But there’s nothing here that a horror fan hasn’t seen a bunch of times before.

Which is, lets face it, part of the charm. Hatchet II doesn’t push the horror genre to new heights, but it provides a well made, nostalgic ride rich in bad taste, that manages to be actually fun rather than “FUN!!!”

Frozen

( This review has been reclaimed for glorious make benefit of Final Girl Film Club. The Greatest Of All Film Clubs)

I’ve been debating whether I should write up Frozen again now that it's getting a release (I covered the film briefly in my BNAT piece). To be quite frank I think it’s a movie that’ll work best when it takes an audience by surprise. It works because it's small, because it's intimate, because you’re not expecting much. This is exactly the kind of little movie that finds itself getting destroyed by a huge title wave of backlash by a bunch of backbiting fanboys pissed only because they didn’t get there first.

Then again, Frozen would have to be successful to get Backlash and if I can help make that happen by convincing even one person to go and see it then it's worth writing up. When a movie like Frozen does well; an intelligent well made piece of film craft, it's good not only for genre movies but for all of indie cinema as well. I don’t know if Frozen will do Paranormal Activity business, I do know that it’s a great little chiller and one of those rare and wonderful films where a director announces, “I’m capable of more then you thought”.

I was certainly surprised when I saw the movie at BNAT. When it was announced that the next movie was the new film by the director of Hatchet I think I might have audibly groaned. Let me be clear, I hate Hatchet. HAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEE Hatchet. It’s the kind of referential, self satisfied bullshit that’s strangling modern horror, since everyone who knows what’s worth a damn is too busy giving each other congratulatory hand jobs to actually make something worth watching.

The problem is so much of Frozen, works because you’re underestimating it. It’s able to take you by surprise. There was at least one instance, where something happened (which I will not spoil), I jumped, and then discounted it as a boo scare. After all that’s what the director of Hatchet does. Fucking Boo Scares. As I settled back in my seat, getting comfortable and giving Green a reluctant check in his column, the "boo scare" turned out to most definitely not be just a boo scare! It came back with a vengeance, and in a way that was somehow both elegant and gut churning. I kept waiting for Green to ruin it, to overreach and go for the gore shot. But he didn’t.

Frozen, tells the story of three college students who get stuck on a ski lift in a resort that is closing for the week. It's just the three of them, the chair, facing four days of the elements, and no hope of rescue. Gulp.

If the premise sounds far fetched to you, don’t worry, Green is ahead of you (One of the best things about the movie is how often this is true. I’m so used to directors just taking the audience's suspension of disbelief for granted that it's nice to have one who thought this through. Trust me if you have an objection, or are reading this going, “WELL WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST...? Green has thought of it.) weaving the details he needs to make it work into the story. By the time that chair lurches to a halt, their fate seems sickeningly plausible.

The most common criticism I’ve heard of Frozen is that the characters are not particularly deep. And while its true they’re three pretty callow young kids, they do all have their moments, and the situation they're in is just so pitiful that you can’t help but have some instinctive sympathy for them.

By the end of the film Frozen has become less a horror movie then a tale of horrific endurance.

But now here I am doing the movie a disservice, just like I promised not to. Go ahead an keep your doubts. But If there’s a theater playing Frozen near you tomorrow, see it. Keep an open mind and low expectations, and you might find yourself with one hell of a surprise.